Is self-protection going to cost us our success?

I came across an article at the weekend titled ‘8 ways to become a nice person’. Which, on its own, felt a little bleak to be a necessary article. Why, in 2026 (nope, not used to writing that yet), do we need to be reminded of how to be nice?

The article opens by reflecting on how we’re taught as children to say please and thank you.

“Then they grow up and enter a world where it’s normal to mock others online, scowl at their fellow shoppers at the grocery store, and ghost potential romantic partners. Does anyone really even know what being nice means anymore?”

What’s more disheartening than this article being written is the fact it’s needed. Because they’re right. That is increasingly common and accepted behaviour.

And this isn’t just in “grocery stores”. It shows up in job applications, business enquiries, online. We are becoming less nice in everyday, low-stakes moments where niceness or even a response would cost very little.

I don’t necessarily think humanity is becoming less polite. Instead, it seems people are simply shifting their priorities. I frequently see TikTok videos emphasising self-protection, especially during the festive season. These videos advised that you don’t have to attend family gatherings if you prefer, or that it’s okay to skip friendmas if you’re not feeling up to it. Yet, I notice very few discussions about how these choices affect others when someone doesn’t show up.

Have we become so inward-facing, so focused on protecting our own time, energy, and comfort, that we’ve stopped considering the people on the other side of our actions? And if so, what does that mean for the way we build businesses: something that has always, at its core, relied on relationships, trust, and understanding other people?

The rise of inward-facing, self-protective behaviour

Over the last few years, “put yourself first” energy has seemingly become increasingly popular. Mostly (at least from what I can see) driven by Gen Z.

On the surface, a lot of this feels healthy. After years of hustle culture, burnout, and unrealistic expectations, it makes sense that people are learning how to set boundaries, speak about their mental health, and take themselves seriously.

Therapy language has moved out of the consulting room and into everyday conversation. Self-care is no longer a niche concept. And for many people, especially younger generations, this shift has been genuinely life-saving, helping them name experiences they previously didn’t have language for.

But there’s a kind of juxtaposition with “main character syndrome”, which both encourages people to use silence as a boundary and to freelance their way to success. You simply cannot have both.

Boundaries were never meant to remove us from relationships. They were meant to help us stay in it more honestly. So what happens to how we move through the world when the language of self-protection is used to avoid discomfort or accountability? And what does that mean for areas of life that depend on mutual understanding, like work, collaboration, and business?

One of the most enduring frameworks for businesses boils down to three things: product, process, and people. And in the words of Marcus Lemonis, “businesses are based on relationships, and relationships are based on people”.

Without strong people skills, you simply don’t have a strong business.

So much of the business advice online talks about optimising funnels and the tools we use. Skipping over the most fundamental requirement of understanding the people you’re building for, and alongside.

Is it time for businesses to get back to the basics?

Knowing your customer vs understanding them

Most businesses would say they know their customer. They can tell you their age range. Their job title. The platform they came from. What they bought. How much they spent. How long they stayed on the page. Kind of useful, but also very surface-level statistics.

Knowing your customer often focuses on visible, measurable factors like demographics, behaviour, and data points. Truly understanding them involves delving deeper- recognising what drives their actions, empathising with their frustrations, anticipating hesitation, and considering the emotional and contextual factors behind their choices.

This core principle is increasingly overlooked in UX. Effective design remains unnoticed because it preemptively addresses issues before they arise. You rely on good design so seamlessly that you don’t even realise you’re using it, nor do you think of it as separate from the experience.

If you’re looking to deliver a good customer experience and strong design, focus on doing the expected things really well. And not celebrating yourself for doing unexpected things if it’s still something your customer expects, just not common in your industry. That too is the minimum standard.

So what does showing you understand your customer look like? In a bid to help us all think more about our people and less about our own outcomes, here are my top 7 recommendations.

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1. Speak to them, not about yourself

If your communication focuses mainly on yourself, it will feel inward-looking. You might notice this most in website copy, emails, and sales pages that highlight credentials before providing any context. Saying something like “I have ten years of experience” is certainly impressive, but it doesn’t automatically tell the reader why that matters to them. Connecting with your audience means echoing their reality: acknowledging their frustrations, hesitations, and the systems they’re part of. Instead of just listing what you do, try talking about what they’re going through. Instead of “I offer X,” try saying “your business deserves someone who understands Y.” You want your words to mirror their experiences, so that understanding and trust come naturally.

2. Design moments of joy into otherwise forgettable journeys

Most customer journeys are functional rather than memorable. Like filling out a form, waiting for access, and working through a module in a course. None of it is inherently exciting, which is exactly why those moments matter. Map your customer journey end-to-end and look for emotionally flat parts. Where are people doing admin? Putting in effort without much reward? That’s where joy can live.

This can be as simple as a fun prompt or a small celebration at the halfway point. If people feel good while interacting with your business, they’re far more likely to stay engaged and recommend you.

3. Make misalignment visible before it becomes a problem

Most tension in business comes from customers not knowing what’s happening. Making misalignment visible means designing for transparency and easy-access, even when things don’t go perfectly.

For product based businesses, this means clear updates on all stages of delivery, the option for them to track, and being upfront and honest about any potential delays or issues.

For service-based businesses, it’s about clear timeliness and visible progress. I have a notion dashboard set up for all my clients, with an outline of the project by week, what I will be working on and when, when they will hear from me, a FAQ section, and an open invitation for them to book a call at any point.

When people can see where things are and how to raise concerns without friction, you prevent small uncertainties from snowballing.

4. Honour value exchange properly

Any time you ask someone for something (their email, their time, their attention, their trust), you’re entering into a value exchange. Too often, that exchange is lopsided. There are so many frankly rubbish freebies out there in return for ongoing access to their inbox. Or a fully AI-generated guide in exchange for someone expressing a genuine interest in your services.

Honouring value exchange means being honest about what you’re asking for, and intentional about what you’re giving back. If someone gives you their time, give them something genuinely useful. If they share their details, make it worth it. When people feel that the exchange is fair, or even generous, they’re far less likely to disengage later. Benefiting you both in the long run.

5. Design clear exits so people don’t have to disappear

A lot of ghosting happens because people don’t know how to say no without discomfort. Or they don’t feel permitted to opt out without explanation. But ghosting is very harmful for businesses. It gives you no data on why people don’t want to work with you, and costs you far more time thinking about it, rather than understanding a simple explanation.

So design for this. Make it clear that it’s OK to walk away with language people can use. Often, if you remove the pressure on people to justify themselves, they will do so naturally anyway. Increasing the data you have and meaning you can do better for the next person who comes along.

6. Replace assumptions with proof of listening

Saying “we understand” doesn’t mean much unless you show how. And proof of listening looks like reflected language.

Transcripts have been a game-changer for this for me. I record all important client calls and tick for a transcript to be included (team Google Meets all the way). This means I can review the actual language my client used, then explain their issue and what I can do about it back to them in their own words. Not only does this make it clear I’ve been paying attention (albeit without having to physically scribble down their every word on the call), but it also helps ensure they know we are on the same page and I’m offering what they want.

7. Show your decision-making, not just your outcomes

In service-based work especially, people are buying into how you think. When you only present polished results, clients are left guessing how decisions are made, but showing your decision-making builds confidence.

Explain why you’ve chosen a particular approach. Name the trade-offs. Share the reasoning behind recommendations. This invites clients into the process rather than positioning you as a black box. And when people understand how you think, they trust you to navigate complexity with them.

We don’t need to abandon ourselves in order to consider other people. Self-protection does still matter. But so does remembering that people are at the core of businesses.

So what might change if we stopped optimising only for ourselves, and started paying closer attention to the people in front of us?

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